Typically, the posts on here are about actually planning your wedding day (or the events surrounding it). But, as a wise man once said, “The reason why so many marriages fail while weddings go off without a hitch is because people put more time into planning their wedding than their own relationship.”
So, we decided to deviate from the usual for this post (we may do this a bit more from time to time in the future too). If you recently got engaged or are even weeks away from your special day, take out an hour over pizza and wine to ask each other the following 10 questions. Just to be on the safe side.
Image via Style Me Pretty
“Are we both happy with this kind of wedding?”
Sometimes, in the midst of wedding planning, there can be so many opinions in the way that the bride and groom actually get lost in the shuffle. Take a moment to ask each other “Are we preparing for the kind of day that we want or are we just appeasing everyone else?” This one question can alleviate a lot of frustration—and potential regret—up the road.
“Do we have enough money for the first year?”
We’ve actually heard of couples who’ve pulled off a top-notch wedding, only to go immediately into debt. One couple even had to move in with one set of their parents because they couldn’t afford to live on their own. A wedding is a day of celebration but don’t spend so much money that you financially suffer the first year (or more) because of it. Make sure there is money to create a life after your wedding day; preferably one that doesn’t involve relying on credit cards.
Image via WeddingInclude
“Have we made dating plans following our wedding?”
A wedding is the start of something, not the end of it. If you’re wondering what kind of present to give one another, a thought is to create a calendar with some dates already on them. Dinner and a movie sometimes, sure. But also include trying new things, going on vacations and even having a couple of staycations written down too.
“Who’s the morning and who’s the evening person?”
Ask any couple who’s been together for more than a few years and they’ll you that what seems like not a big deal at first? It eventually becomes HUGE MATTERS over time. For instance, which one of you are morning people and which functions better at night? Knowing the answer to this will help with sleep, sex and even getting ready for work every morning.
Image via ruffledblog
“Have we set healthy boundaries with our family members?”
Your family members are an important part of your relationship. In fact, anyone who says that you don’t “marry the family” to a certain extent is either incredibly naïve or in a lot of denial! But once the two of you officially “become one”, you become one another’s TOP PRIORITY. Make no apologies for that. As you’re figuring out scheduling, holidays and what you both need from one another, don’t let your families guilt you out of your own boundaries. It’s perfectly OK to say “no” to things sometimes.
“Are our friends in support of our union?”
If you haven’t selected your wedding party yet, here’s something to keep in mind. No longer is your life just about you; it’s about your partner as well. That said, it’s a good idea to not only ask people to stand up with you that you’ve known forever or even like a lot. Choose individuals who you know will support your union. The last thing you want to do is feel like you have to choose between a bridesmaid (or groomsman) and your future spouse. (There should be no contest, by the way!)
Image via Bridal Guide Magazine
“Do we handle disappointments well?”
This is a super exciting time in your life! Enjoy every single minute of it! But also be realistic enough to know that there will be challenges, struggles and straight up disappointments up the road too. One of the reasons why wedding planning reveals so much is because it can be a highly-stressful (and financial) situation that shows how you handle pressure. If you’re already not doing well at dealing with tough times and conflict, that’s somewhat of a red flag. Which brings us to the next point.
“Did we go to premarital counseling?”
It’s unfortunate that so many people see marriage counseling as something to do if your relationship is “in trouble”. We actually prefer to see it as an “oil change for your marriage”. In other words, seeing a professional who has an unbiased perspective on your relationship can help you to avoid certain communication issues, relational missteps and marriage mistakes that many couples make—before they actually happen. Or, if you’re currently experiencing conflict, a counselor can help you to come to a compromise that you both can be happy (or at least at peace) with.
Image via Munaluchi Bride Magazine
“Do our life purposes complement one another?”
You’re not just going to be husband and wife. You’re going to be life partners, a team, as well. Think about what your individual purposes are. Then think about if your purposes actually complement one another. Talk about how your gifts, talents and resources can help each other get to the next level. (You might even want to create a marriage vision board. Those can be lots of fun!)
“Are we ready?”
There is absolutely nothing wrong with going through questions like these and coming to the conclusion that you either need to pump the brakes or see a counselor for a few more sessions. Marriage is serious, sacred and a union that is supposed to last a lifetime. Take all of the time you need asking the questions that will get you to the answer of if you are ready to say “I do”. Or not. Just yet.